First day of work
A new environment.
My so called office is so small.
Wif weird smell n was dirty.
Even gt fly n rat running around.
Nothing to do for e whole day.
Only some calculation and paper work.
Reached home at 7:35pm.
Feel so tired.

I smsed him when i reached work place.
My work place was near his camp.
Was abt to fall asleep , he called.
Talked abt maple.

Spend alot of free time in office thinking.
I don like to think but i realli gt nth to do.
My feelings for him..
I realli donno wat is it nw.
Wanna him to return to my side but i noe hard.
Ben lai thought tat is ok if he don return i juz stay beside
But realised tat staying on hurts me.
Yet i still don bear to let go of everything untill e veri worst come.
Y am i so stubborn?
Sometimes i realli wonder.

On my way home in e car,
My uncle asked me abt me n him.
And told me alot of "ren sheng dao li".
He say love is blind.
I truely believe this.
Cos when u love someone ,
U will love him wholeheartly.
Even if others tell u hw bad he is or hw fat or ugly he is,
U will still love him.
My uncle also told me abt "fate".
Hahas he say in a relationship , fate play a part.
Is my fate wif him going to end or already ended?
I guess fate still hold us tgt ba..
Let's wait till e day ba.
Let fate decide.
If we patch or i go.
Hmm.. gtg le , have to go work soon.

Now afk from maple to update blog.
Going papu ltr wif ex guild mate.
Feel so lonely nw.
As he is not here wif me.
We still meet everyday when he booked out.
Wonder who is he to me?
Dar? Ex?
Blur.
Fri i went to his hse and go lan.
Ytd he was at my hse for mahjong wif YL , Nel , Will & Ben.
They had mahjong at my hse while i was chionging my Sin. lols.
Ben & Will win.
After tat we went to Mac for supper?
My mummy went there too and saw all of us.
I walked away too when he say he wan to go home.
And left my mummy alone inside.
Walked wif him to Mrt station and parted off wif a kiss.
Talked on e phone immediately after we parted.
Feeling sad , donno y.
Cried after he hanged up.
Called another person to pei me talk.
Y things become this way ?
I always wondered.
Is it realli my fault?

Today meet him after i had buffet at my Tai Ma's birthday.
92th Birthday.
Came back to meet him but he seemed angry cos of e waiting.
Watch him play maple , we had our own time.
So comfortable not like ytd we barely talk.
Accompanied him to arcade after tat till 5pm.
He headed home to go somewhere else.
Talked wif him on e phone till he reached home.
He say he call back later but till nw still no news from him.
Muz be enjoying himself ba?

I often wonder.
Did he think of me when he is out wif others?
Or only when he is alone he will somehow think of me?
Feeling so lonely , tired and sick.
Nothing seemed meaningful.
U wont return le ba?
No matter hw much time i giv u to think?
No matter hw much effort i m putting in?
Had to play maple nw to numb myself from thinking.
Wat kind of life is this?
Yet i still chose to wait.
Until e limit i giv myself.
Still haven reach e limit so i m still struggling on.
I don wan to hav any regrets or rather "yi han" ?
I realli donno wat to do.

Anyway i heard from my aunt i will be starting work on tue.
Look forward to it.
A new environment.
Hope i will feel better.
Hmm.. go papu le.
Update again tml.

Blood test results are out.
My doctor told me i had recovered. :)
Red blood cells increased to normal level le.
But my body is still veri weak
Tat y will cause me to feel giddy at times.
And i still have to take medicine zzz
Will u be there for me?
Will u be still taking care of me, like hw u do in e past?

Told Hui n him abt this news.
Talked wif him over e phone
Chatted abt maple.
Half way through i can sense tat he is veri tired
So asked him to go slp.

Received a sms from him this morning at 5+ am.
I didnt slp after i hang up wif Hui.
Lots of tossing & turning
Everything keep appearing in my mind.
( Too much to mention )
Cant get to slp.

Wed night
All those sms u sent me
Make me feel so remoseful
Make me feel so hurt and tired.
Does it mean tat we cant be tgt le?
I noe u r being nice to tell me not to wait le
Cos u feel u wont wan to come back le?
I will stop waiting when e day comes.
Still gt sometime
Will u spend these time to realli think over it?

Am i being too stubborn?
I sometimes wonder.
But this is realli important to me
So i will not let go and giv up easily.
No matter hw tiring & painful it will be.

It is 21st again.
Our day?
U told me u will always remember 6th & 21st.
And i noe u would.
Today supposed to be 3years 7months le.
So confused.
Are we still considered as couple?
Though i mention break on tat day?
We seriously still look like a pair.
Should we be celebrating today?
OR
Shouldnt?

Ur sms in e later night make my tears fall without control.
I noe i m wrong le.
U r wrong too , didnt u?
Let's face our mistake and forgive each other.
Is it so hard for u to forgive me?
Trust me.
I don like tat guy.
We r not tgt too.
Don wish us happiness.
I will onli be happy wif u around , not him.
He cant be e replacement for u.
No one can replaced u in my heart.

Happy Monthsary !

Sad
Pain
Hurt
Miserable

Last night
I almost cant get to sleep.
Alot of tossing & turning,
Tears falling without control.
Y muz u say those things?
Y muz u say clearly?

Y i so stupid ?
Go meet tat guy !

Can u don mind everything & restart wif me?
Things wont be e same.
I know.
But i promise i will make it better.
Don torture me n urself.
Don hurt me.
Don hurt someone who u love.
I wont hurt u de.
I wont, realli.
I will onli love & care for u.
I will nv do anything which will hurt u.
Y didnt u give me a chance?
I juz wan a chance from u.
Tat's all.
Is tat too much to be ask for?
Don leave me alone.
It is too much for me to bear.
Don ask me to give up.
Don give up me too.

Y must we hurt each other when we still love each other?
Y must we torture ourselves?

No one is perfect.
Everyone do make mistakes.
I admit i did something wrong.
But y cant u give a chance to me?
I used to give u chances too.
All i wan is a chance only.
Giving me a chance , u noe i wont hurt u.
Y scare i will hurt u again?
I will hurt anyone but i will nv hurt u.
"Ni ming ming jiu ai wo"
" Wei shen mo yao shang hai wo ?"

Juz why u don wan me?
Juz why u don wan to return to my side?
Jus why u don wan to patch?
Too much to think.
Too much to cry.
Too much to bear.

Wat u wan me to do?
Give up this relationship?
Give up u?

If i do , life would be meaningless.
I juz donno y.

But since u ask me don wait , move on.
Since u ask me to give up.
I noe u don wan me to waste time on u.
I don mind but since u mind.
I will.

Hy
U mind me wif e guy.
I noe u jealous.
It obviously show u still love me.
Y don we start afresh?
Decision lies in u.
I already make clear my stand.
I wan to start afresh.
I noe i have ask donno hw many hundred times
And i noe u have already answered me many many times.
But i still don get it.
WHY?

Thanks.
At least u say all out
And not let me stay beside u waiting.
I know u care for me.
Even if others don noe , i noe.
At least u r not selfish to keep me by ur side.
At least u wan me to give up and go.

Let's be friends.

Labels: Break-up

Just reached home.
Went his house.
Had lunch wif his family.
Slacked until 3 , went to Sun Plaza to shop & play game.
After arcade , we went to Causeway Point.
Shopping.
He buy a few shirts.
Had our dinner at there too.
Saw Stanley , Eric they all.
They went there shopping as well.
Went home wif him.
Accompanied him to Tampines too though he like a bit don wan me to travel here n there.
We smsed while i m on my way back.
But my phone no batt halfway through.

I realli enjoyed today.
No one disturb dao us.
Make me feel like e past us.
Go shopping tgt.
Only gt each other in our eyes.
Only 2 of us together without others.
E feeling is still there.
If u willing to..
I wont mind staying beside u.
For i noe u love me.

Labels: Our love has not end.

It has been few days i nv update blog le.
Tue.. I went & quitted sch.
Will be having a long medical break.
Half yr.
Wonder if i realli wanna work and nv go back?

Wed went & see doctor for blood test.
Heng Hui accompanied me over.
Scary lor..
E doctor wrote a letter for me to help me to prove tat i have got "ping xue".
Me and Hui opened up and read.
Both of us don understand e hand writing of e doctor lols.
Had a fun time wif Hui.
She will nv fail to make me smile lols.
Thanks Hui.

I m back to maple.
After 2months of "quitting".
Maple is boring nowadays
But still gt buddies inside who i missed alot
Realised playing back can make me feel happier.
I noe it all along but juz don hav e mood to play.
Suddenly donno y i juz go back lols.

Thur night..
Someone who i unexpected smsed me.
He told me he met an accident & was in coma for donno hw long.
We smsed for sometime.
Is so unexpected lor.
I had been looking for him in maple
Thought he quitted or avoiding me.
No matter wat,
I juz pray he is fine.

Went his house on thur night,
Spend time wif him.
All e way till ytd night.
Parted for a few hours and meet again to go lan shop
Played maple for e whole night at Chambers.
Reached home today morning at 9+am.
Enjoyed.
Feel like i had returned to e past.
Past when me , u & Mel will go Chambers tgt , rmb?

I miss u alot during e few days when u were away from field camp.
Was happy tat u called me once u returned.
Though u called in e middle of e night , woke me up
But bring me sweetness tat make me sleep well after u hang all e way to next day's afternoon.
I wonder hw m i feeling towards u.
Ytd at ur place, i meant wat i say.
It come deep from my heart.
Every single word is wat i realli longed to say to u.
But y..
I juz donno y u say no.
Y still a "no" ?
Wat is e reason behind it?
I realli wish to noe.
Will u be back?
Will u ?
Where r u nw ?
Wat r u doin ?
When i m right here spending time not to think of u as much as i do.
I m lost.
E nightmare i had juz nw in e afternoon.
I feared.
Feared tat it will come true.
I m waiting for ur call.
Lost & Confused.

Ytd he had his Guard Duty.
8am-10am , 2pm-4pm, 8pm -10pm & 2am-4am
Sure tiring bah ?
I realli don wish to hang up e phone when u called me.
But i have to.
Don wan u to be tired.
I noe tat sat is not e last time as u promised
I was pretty sad.
Though i m not in a position to.
This week i think ur will be meeting again.
I don wan to endure e pain le.
Don wan to feel hurt & sad again.

U called me juz nw.
Before u go for field camp.
Touched & happy.
It sometimes realli make me feel tat i m still ur dear & u r still my dar
Feel tat we r still tgt.
Though i was tired but i still sms & talk to u on e phone.
It is worthwhile to me.
11am u go for ur field camp.
Have to wait till Fri den u will be back.
Will u call me when u r back?
Will i be e first u will call after u returned?
Does all these matters?
I matter hw much i mean to u.
Promise me u will take care of urself.
Promise me u will eat despite e food taste terrible.
Promise me u will think of me.
Donno y suddenly will feel like crying.
Cant talk to u for few days.
Going start work soon le.
Wonder hw i will be spending my weekends from then on.
I hope to spend it all wif u of cos.
But will u wan to spend wif me ur weekends?
I wonder.
But i noe u will meet me when u r free.
Wait for u to return, "dar".

Woke up 11am
Bath and wanna go over his hse to wake him up to go for a haircut.
But..
Mrt was down for 1 hr due to something happened at Yishun Station.
End up he came down to Sembawang
Went to e place he used to cut his hair,
Same place , Same person.
Went for lunch at Mrt Station there Coffeeshop.
Same place , Same food, Same Stall.
Everything is still e same.
But are we still e same?
I m afraid not.
We went to arcade.
Hugged in e arcade cos i wanna go home first.
He make e first move to kiss me goodbye.
Meet again at Canberra Pri after his games.
Went to Chong Pang to buy his stuffs.
In e bus, i asked him something.
E ans he gave me realli brings me joy & hope.


Back to his hse,
We spend some time together.
I lean on him.
He kissed me.
Is sweet.
I hugged him from behind when he using e com.
We are like a couple.
Like hw we used to be.
But
When he talked on e phone , i feel being neglected.
So i went and do something else.
He say something which make me feel happy n touched again.
Feel so happy today.

We left his house at 6+pm
Went to my hse to take my memory card and go over to Sun Plaza.
We printed out 2 pictures.
One was him sitting in office while another was taken while we sit at staircase.
Went to Tampines.
Wanna to shop over there for awhile before he book in.
Went for dinner at Ajisen.
So long we nv realli sit down for a nice dinner le.
Took a few pictures.
This was taken earlier when we waiting for traffic light.

Our dinner :)

Tom Yam Ramen ( too spicy for u )

This is wat i order , forgot wat is e name le lols. We both ordered Ice Lemon Tea. He say e Ice Lemon Tea is not nice lols. Weird weird de. We feed each other too. Simply so sweet lor.

After dinner, we walked around at Tampines Mall & Century Square.We do some shopping,Forced him to try on some shirts. Hahas so long didnt spend time tgt le. Shop till e last storey, he saw an arcade, i knew he will wan to go in n play, hahas. Of cos i will allow u go play , my "dar". Played until is time to book in le he also still playing, cos a group of guys keep challenge him. He got win 10 hahas. His fren waited till he come and find us, i walked wif him until out of Century Square , part wif him , cos he is in a hurry to go. Got to book in today cos tml gt Guard Duty. Parted after giving me a goodbye kiss. <3

I Miss You.

Start missing u le.

Labels: Muacks

Suddenly..
Feel so shag,
Feel so vexed,
Feel things are wrong.
Feel despair.
Feel like crying.
I also donno y.
Realli wonder
Who am i to u?
I thought it wont hurt so much
But it still hurts
Hurt as badly as it used to.
It is tearing me apart.
Suddenly feel everything wouldnt be e same le.
Y?
I thought i m handling it well.
Y did things turn out like this again?
I thought i stand up again le
Juz cant stand still
But y nw i feel i fall down again?
I still mind.
Actually i still mind.
I thought i don care le
Y i still care so much ?
Once again
Y did u choose to hurt me?
If this is not e last time which u mention to me,
Then
I wont allow myself to stay le.
Too much for me to bear.
I cant take it.
Heartache.

Labels: cried

Ytd night he book out,
I was surprised.
Actually wanna meet up but didnt.

Today
Went over his place at 7+am
Go lan wif William.
Slacked at his house after lan all e way till 9pm
Then went & catch a movie.
"Painted Skin"
Veri gd storyline.
Touching love story too.
Watch till my tears drop without realising.
It ended at 11+.
We parted at Yishun Mrt Station.
Not sad this time round.

Just now
When u hugged me tight
I like it.
I love it.
I enjoyed it.
It has been so long since u hugged me tightly.
Juz now e feeling are all back.
When u hug me from behind and wake me up,
I feel so comfortable, feel being loved.
Yet my feelings now is so complicated.
I wan u back
But at e same time
I juz wan u to be happy
Don need u to return to my side.
I wan to stay
But
I also wan to leave.
I hope u don go tonight
But i knew u will.
I don dare to dream le
Ever since i woke up.
I don wan to ask for more le.
Though like this is not enough.
Finally
I realised.
Realised wat love really means.
Though like this carry on i will feel hurt but it don seemed so hurt le
Cos i finally noe hw to think le.
I wont question myself y u r not back anymore
I learnt to accept e fact.
I used to think i love u so so much tat i realli need u and want u back
Till donno then i realised.
Loving u doesnt have to be wif u or have u by my side.
If nw u r happy wif e life u r leading,
I m fine wif it.
Let's call this love
Is not called waiting anymore.
U love me or not ? I m not so concern abt it le.
I m more concern if u r fine and happy?
Do wat u like.
Don care abt me.
Come back to me one day if u realised i m who u wan to be wif.
Did u realised?
Ur "Yi Yi" is back le.
I wont make any noise le
No matter wat u do.
I mind , i care but i wont make noise.
I will be like last time.
Time will prove, Hy.
Enjoy ur night
Feeling lonely and sad
I go bed first le.

Today u didnt call me like u did for e past 2days.
But is alright.
I spend whole afternoon doing blog.
Heng gt Joce,
She helped me alot.
Thanks gal.

You..
Will u find my blog nice when u see ?
Last night we finally say everything out.
Misunderstandings between us.
Everything tat we r unhappy abt each other.
I finally understand y wasnt u around my side when i most need u, after these 2 years.
I used to think tat u don care.
Used to think tat i m not important to u
As i see e things u do I realli thought i m not important to u at all.
Until yesterday when u tell me , i then realised.
I m sry.
I m sry for making life so difficult for u during tat period.
I m sry for not being understanding.
I m sry tat i changed, being so demanding.
And realli sry for not trusting u tat night.
Now i noe hw true u were to me
But things wont be e same anymore.
Onli thing i can ask from u is
Believe me.
I can change.
And i will change.
Back to e "xinyi".
E one who u loved.
If u say not is not e time , i will wait.
For u are so important to me.
I was surprised tat i m as important as her in ur heart.
But to me u r more important as compared to her.
So i wanna cherish u.
Will u let me have e chance ?
U tell me tml is e last time , i hope so , realli.
I still need u.
Still want u.
But i had learn to take things easy.
If u don come back , i will juz stay behind u.
Juz need to noe tat u r fine & happy, tat is enough.
But i wish there will be a chance for us to patch back,
Start afresh.
I can treat u as well as i used to
While u treat me hw u used to during e first months when u r in NS.
I miss u.
Gd night, Dar.

Went down to Jurong last night.
Ah boy frowning.

Ah boy was holding onto my hp, acting as though he is talking to someone, keep talking to himself lols.

Ah boy hiding his face , so cute of him

Ah boy kissed me on my cheek.

I was talking to him on e phone while he was on his way out to arcade for his night out.
I didnt do anything when i m on e phone wif him.
Wanna juz concentrate talking to him.
Leave my aunt hse at 10pm.
Went to 406 coffeeshop for takeaways.
Nelson called.
We chatted awhile and he say gt to hang cos he still need to go iron his clothes.
Hahas.
Headed home after tat.

Woke up at 8am
Send Nelson a take care sms.
Back to slp.
Woke up at 9am again.
He called me.
Surprised.
We chatted, he told me he sleep late last night due to live firing.
No wonder he nv sms me last night.
He needed to prepare his stuffs for field camp.
We sms instead.
Half way through, Nel called me.
Is abt 11+am.
He told me his platoon onli gt 7 chinese guys including him lols.
Told me when he will be booking out too.
Asked me to tell others for him ><
Chatted awhile and Nel hanged up.

Nothing to do.
Had been chatting in msn and looking at blogskins.
Wanted to change a better one for him to see.
Silly me.
He called again in e afternoon and surprised me.
Chatted for sometime and he told me he was tired , wanna to catch some sleep.
Sleep well !

I juz don understand y u changed?
Y wanna change?
Be yourself , e past u is far better den now.
I m sry if i were e cause.
Hmm.. wait for ur sms bah.
I will be waiting.

Is late le.
I m talking to Nel.
He cant slp though he is tired.
Hahas.

Just now went out wif Nel, DJ, XY & XL.
Slacked till around midnight.
Had alot jokes.
Had dinner wif Nel.
Nel's last dinner before he go in NS.
He had Char Kway Tiao while i had Hokkien Mee.

Nel..
Not bad bah.
See..
We all so gd.. Pei u for e last day before u go in.
We will miss u, i bet DJ will miss u e most. Hahas.
I noe u r sad today , i understand.
don worry we r all here for u.

Feel so peaceful today?
No sadness.
Only feel sian cos my "bro" going NS tml.
Cant meet him out for dinner in e night anymore?? lols.

Today
I miss..
YX, i miss u.
6th again.
Hy.. u rmb?
Do u miss too?
This is one of e date we will always rmb.
Was waiting ur reply since last night.
Waited till 11 juz now.
U didnt reply.
I don wan to think y.
I donno y but i don feel so sad le.
I also didnt msg u le.
Wait for u to msg me bah.
I noe..
If u will miss me , u will msg me.
I'll wait.
Don wan to disturb u if u don miss me.
I didnt miss u so much le.
Though i still miss.
Wan an
Sleep well for tml's training uh..

Super happy.
I noe i m being silly but i m juz so happy.
Onli he can change my mood.
Enjoyed e whole night wif him in town.
I didnt make wrong choice.
No matter wat happen next min , i also wont regret.
Tat is how i feel.
Meet him 11 at town.
Went and buy movie tickets.
Sadly e show we both wanted to watch has already sold out
Then we decided to watch "The House Bunny".
Went to Mac for dinner before e show. Should be supper le bah.
He had Big Mac while i had MacSpicy.
Still e same , he still like to eat Big Mac, still e same way of eating.
Enjoyed e movie.
But hy fallen asleep halfway through e show.
I wanted to wake him up but looking at him sleeping so sweetly , i don bear to, rather he miss e show.
This is how much i love n care for him. I realised.
I then become a bit unable to concentrate, keep turning and look at him.
After e show , we headed somewhere else.
Had a wonderful night wif him alone.
Created another new experience in life.
Something which we had nv done before.
Spending e night outside at town.
I cruddle in his arms , dozed off.

Took train back e next morning , i didnt head home, went to his place instead.
Thought of staying at his placew awhile before i go home but i fall asleep in his arms,on his bed, wif him.
We had a gd sleep all e way from 8am till 2pm
He had not been slping since Fri when he booked out, i don bear to see him so xingku. While me, i had not been slping well , sleep at 5am , 6am and wake up wif a few hours of slp onli for almost 2weeks.
Finally , i can sleep well.
He woke up before me.
Woke me up also, tat is wat he will do, i noe.
He say he has gt a big tummy le , so i helped him wif sit-ups.
So sweet being wif him. Even if juz looking at him doin sit-ups , it is enough, i realised.
Went to lan shop , YL and William were there too.
YL was playing audition while William like nothing to do.
Buy lunch into lan shop and eat.
Played until 6+ , i walked wif him till his place.
He told me alot of things.
He say he mind when i wear revealing clothes.
Tat's him. My him.
He always mind it , but y do he still mind it now when we r not tgt anymore.
But..
Puzzling part was, we r tgt despite we r supposed not tgt.
Rendall told me tat we r still tgt , not consider break cos i didnt leave u for a moment at all after e break-up.
U have not lost me.
Things are somehw still e same, but of cos wif some changes.
Ya i m always here for u still.
We still look and do like wat couples do.
So are we still tgt or not?
It is complicated.

Walking back
We chatted.
He told me hw he realli feels when come to certain issues.
I was glad to hear all from him.
I feel he still love me.
But..
Suddenly i have a feeling of wanting to let go?
Was thinking this is e last time i will treat him as a dar.
Last night is a wonderful night which is enough for me to leave u.
I donno if i can or not , but i hav e feeling i wanna to.. let go
So i tell him , if anything happen , find me , even if i m no longer around by his side.
Reached his house downstairs.
I wanted to head home but he ask me go up.
Heng i went up.
We spend sometime in his room wif his didi.
Lie on his leg , i feel so comfortable, long time nv le.
We hugged.
It juz feel so gd, making me feel sleepy , i donno y.
Kissed me before he went off to meet his frens.
Parting again but this time round i wasnt so sad.
Maybe cos i realli enjoyed myself.
But i noe.. I feel sad when i think of next week unable to meet him.
He will be out on Fri but needed to book in on Sat.
Cos Sun gt Guards Duty.
He will be staying out on Fri night and going out wif frens on Sat.
So i noe , he wont have time for me.
Feel so sad but is ok as long he is happy, i m fine wif it.
This will be e best time for me to leave him alone.
Is e time i hav to leave him alone , don disturb him.
Not waiting this week , wait also wont get to see u.
Saw him alone standing along e road waiting for frens, i smsed him..
But y sms halfway u nv reply le?
I was waiting u noe?

~ A message to u ~

Thanks for everything.
Thanks for sat night.
I had not been so happy for a long time.
Sat night realli no one disturb us at all.
No sms, No phone calls.
E few hours had make my sadness and disappointment gone.
I love e way u put ur hand on my waist when we walked.
I noe i m not gd enough for u.
Wait me.
I will change to be better.
Time will prove ok?
For now
I don hope for more.
But..
I wan to leave u now.
But i will be there for u when u need me.
I must move on.
For i donno if u will be back.
I don need u to be wif me anymore.
Loving u is to see u happy, i don wan u to be so lack of sleep every week when u book out even if u don mind.
I don wan u to be tired.
I wont contact u.
But if u contact me , i will be there for u.
This is e best way for now , for me not too be hurt too much.
U can bring me happiness but sadness too.
I wan happiness only.
I will feel happiness when u sms me.
I wont sms u cos if i do and u don reply, i will feel sadness.
If i don contact u and u don feel a thing , it will also be a better thing for both.
Cos i will noe hw u feel for me while u wont have to waste time being wif me.
Is a way for us to noe each other's feelings.
For u and me to know ur feelings.
U noe?
I was happy to hear abt u mind tat i wear revealing clothes.
I was happy when u feed me soup though i was sad but it helps abit.
I was happy u watched movie wif me despite u r so tired.
I was happy when u say i have slim down , everyone say i did slim down abit except u, but sat when u say u realised i slim down , i feel everything i do is worth, slim down for u is worthy and i feel e encouragment to keep me going on.
I was happy tat veri night when we spend so much time together at town which we nv used to.
Dar..
I noe u r uncertain abt ur feelings right now.
U r unaware of hw u feel towards me.
Maybe cos i m still here , not leaving yet.
But i had been waiting
Realli hope u will noe hw u feel before i put down everything,
Before it is too late for us to turn back.
Good night, my dar.

5th Oct is e happiest day i ever had after our break-up.

Slp at 6am+
Woke up at 9am+
Reached his place at 11am+
He was slping.
Fall asleep at his place , his cousin came. E one who don like me.
Asked y i was at hy's place when we already broke up.
Heard le abit unhappy.
Hy woke up in e afternoon , going lunch wif me.
His cousin keep calling him dear in front of me , then his didi keep ask me don need bother or jealous cos is joking de.
His didi also say i m a gd gf who had been so gd to hy for e past years.
Hahas at least someone noe hw gd i was to hy.
Went to lunch , prepared to go lan and then doctor after lunch
But..
He left after lunch.
I didnt enjoy e lunch at all.
I was trying to stop my tears coming out.
U asked me if i were angry?
NO i m not.
I was juz feeling sad and disappointed.
2nd time le.
Feeding me soup , i noe u feel bad towards me and was trying to make me happy.
But..
Tat's not wat i wan.
I smiled to u when u board e bus , i told u i don mind , is ok and stuffs.
I mind. But wat to do?
Blame me for being silly.
I try to make myself happy but saying to myself tat at least u promised to meet me in e night , at least u kissed me before boarding e bus, at least u still care of my feelings.
Limit le.
Is already e limit le but y hasn't i step out e step?

I trust u.
Trust u will not break ur promise in e night.

Is friday again..
Booking out..
Not meeting me.
In order not to stay at home and think of u or imagine things, i went out.
Meet a guy for movie.
E one i noe in msn.
He is e worst guy i ever go out wif. Keep asking me stupid and disturbing questions which make me really feel angry and fed up. I was already not happy when i reached Sun Plaza, I was on e phone wif hy, he treated me coldly all of a sudden after i told him something.
The guy treat me watch "The House Bunny", one of e movies i wanted to watch. But i didnt get to watch e show at all , he keep disturbing me , asking me questions and trying to sit near me. In e end , i cannot tolerate, maybe is cos i was realli feeling unhappy after e talk wif hy ba and things tat e guy keep doin, make me left e movie without a word. Left him alone watching LOL.
But seriously it was fun , i feel shiok.

Went to aunt hse after i left Sun Plaza.
Had steamboat till abt 12am , meet Nelson and Ding Jie out to slack after they come back from Lan.
Talked awhile before Nelson suggested to hav a drink.
Went to 500+ de 7-11 and buy cans of beer.
Ding Jie drink 3 cans , Nelson 2 1/2 cans while another half for me lols.
EEE.. is bitter.
Donno wat to say.
I noe hw u feeling , Nel.
Don try to lie to me and wanting us not to worry for u.
I understand u too much le i noe wat u r trying to do and hw u feel.
If she don mean a thing to u , u wont be drinking in e middle of e night while she is celebrating for her bf's birthday. But i admire u for wat u done for her. She knows it too.
I noe i m not in a position to say u for i worse than u.
But as ur fren , Bro.. i don wan to see u hide ur feelings by keeping it to urself.
U don have to tell everyone but do tell me ? and Ding Jie ar..
Long night, we went back after supper at TK's hse there.
Nelson's face was so red. Eyes also. Body warm like....
On our way back , Joce called, told me she juz had a nightmare.
Nelson , Joce and me , we three talked till 6am in e morning before going to bed.
I was glad at least i didnt stay up whole night thinking abt other things.

It is sat le.. :)

OMG.
Alot of things happened these 2 days.
Wed night , someone suddenly add me in msn , thought was my fren? So i accepted. Later realised tat it was a stranger. I think is a prank. LOL. So i play along wif him. Hahas. Realli wonder who he is. Was chatting wif this stranger .. Suddenly someone called my hse and looked for me. Was abit shocked when i noe who he was. Chatted wif him till 5am in e morning. Shag.. Smsed hy a morning sms before i went to bed.

Woke up by a call from him.
He called to tell me he woke up le. zz
Again.. We chatted, till 5pm and we arrange to meet up to have a dinner.
Went down his area.. Not bad looking guy , veri gd at talking, gentle also.
This is my impression of him.
Went to his house, cos there wasnt anywhere to go.
We both don like crowded places.
Stayed over 1hr plus , i watch "ming zhong zhu ding wo ai ni" while he play his online game.
Went for dinner and sit down to have a chat.
Was happy when i m wif him. He can make me keep smile and laugh.
So long didnt laugh so much le. Enjoyed
Stayed wif him until 4:30am
Did think of hy but is like lesser compared when i m wif others.
He hold my hands, feeling was weird but i didnt reject.
His hand was warm.
He reallli make me got abit "hao gan" towards him but..
Haiis
I still prefer hy.
I rejected other things later on.
Cos hy was on my mind.
This is e best i can do.
I m still trying but not easy.
How i wish hy is back to my side , loving me so i don need to try anything.
I m now like standing in e middle of a path.
Don wanna to move forward to him cos not prepared ?
Wanna to turn backwards and go back to hy
But i noe i cant.
So i m trapped?
Complicated.

I m still who i m.
I still love u
But like i say i will try hard to move on, don wan to carry this le.
One month don contact u is wat i say to u
U told me is long
YES it is..
I find it SUPER long and hard.
But i have to.
U understand right?
Missing u..

Three years plus relationship can use those few words to write off?
When it comes to love, you don forget easily.
Time will prove.
Time will show.
My eyes are open but i see nothing.
My ears are open but i hear nothing.

I fall for u.
Now i have to stand by myself.
Other than myself ,
Only u can help me.
Only u can wake me up from dreaming on , to face reality.

E unknown answer keep me going.

~ I Believe In Miracles ~

Xin & Yun
Me & You
Our Love
All become history.
Every small bit of memory form e greatest happiness.
Every small bit of sadness make me grow stronger.
Every 6th & 21st
Will u remember?
Will u go there?
Will we meet there?

I juz simply enjoy e way i melted into ur arms.

I m not me when i m not wif u, without ur love.
I despise myself.
Y make things so hard for u n me ?
Y cant i juz let go when i already have u wif me once?
Dar
I don wan to admit defeat.
I wan to continue fighting for my happiness, for our future.
But am i dreaming?
Life's extremely difficult.
Can you just put a stop to it?
U noe mah?
Everytime i waited for u to book out,
I was so anxious
But when u r out,
I was scared.
When i saw u , i melted, i smiled , i was really super happy as i missed u alot.
The difficult part is going home.
I don like parting when I'm wif u.
I don like e turning back and looking at u.
I m still holding on to something that used to be there
Hoping it will come back
But knowing it won't.
I m still waiting for someone tat used to be there
Hoping he will come back
But knowing tat he wont be back??
I juz wan u back.

I didnt slp at all.
Lots of tossing and turning,
U keep appearing in my mind.
Images and images flood my mind
U r like a virus
Today i m without u
I m here alone ,
At home.

Losing u..
i may even lose e will to live on.
It's utter misery.
wat is e point of living on?
2years ago, ur love keep me going.
Now?
Loving u keep me going?

I realli have to leave u if i wan to make my feeling for u fade.
One month
Give me a month's time.
From Dar to Friend.
Take care of urself this month when i m not around.

Went to his place early in e morning.
Had a sleep.
Feel better.
Had chicken chop wif him.
He went out , left me alone.
I went back home , meet Joce and Jun.
They came to my hse and pei me , thanks.
Ben lai meet someone le , but end up i went and meet him cos he asked me to go lan wif him.
Played lan e whole night till morning.
I know everything.
Except e ans to my last question.
Don understand y u don wan to ans my question , is cos scare hurt me or wat??
Don ask me to think of e ans myself , i cant afford to think cos i m scare wat i think is wrong.
Don bear to leave ur hse, but is time i should go.
I already break e promise i made to myself and frens le.
Before i go,
Kissed ur forehead.
Leave without a word.
I love you.

{♥} Happily Forever With Him
{♥} Go Chalet !
{♥} Lose Weight (10kg) =p !
{♥} A New Handphone.
{♥} A Long Break From Work
{♥} 0oxiino0 to be lvl 200 in maple.
{♥} To Go Genting Wif Dar.
{♥} Change a new job.
{♥} Celebrate my 21st birthday
{♥} Mum's Approval Of My R/S