Fate playing a joke on me.

Something happened.
And i can say it is all FATE.
Fated to be in this way.
Fated to happen now.
Not earlier or later.

And
Well we are still tgt.
Still meeting.
Don wish to say more over here.
Is alright.
I guess i still will leave one day.
After everything tat happened.
Let's face it together.
Is not a big matter afterall.

If we managed to be tgt after this ,
I would say is fated for us to be a pair.
If it's not ,
I would say is fate giving us more time to think , pulling us tgt but we still separated afterall.

Went over his place
After he booked out from camp.
We played maple.
Went out to Chambers at midnight to play maple & audition.
Went back in e morning.

Had a few hours of sleepp
Woke up took lunch and mapling again to earn mesos.
He booked in at 8am.
I accompanied him to cab to Bedok Camp.

Back home
I feel giddy.
Lack of sleep i guess.
Off to bed.

Finally time to knock off.
I went and meet him at Yishun Mrt Station.
We went down to Chong Chong for dinner.
Food over there were nice , too bad i forgot to take pictures. Sad.
Had Kang Kong , Stingray , Chao Guo Tiao & BBQ Chicken Wing.
Buy a big cup of sugar cane and we shared.
He say he drink more than me , cos he is scared of spicy lol.
Eat dao so full till we barely can walk.

Took bus over to Toa Payoh.
Changed to MRT , went to Bishan Junction 8 for a movie.
We decided to go straight and see wat show is up for us to watch.
So we nv check e timeslot b4 we go.
End up , there are onli a few shows available for us.
I thought of going to AMK Hub instead.
But he say nvm we watch any one of e shows lor.
He choosen Beverly Hills ChiHuaHua.
Was a nice show.
Though all abt dogs but is cute and meaningful.
E morale of e story behind it was " Cherish those who are around u " .
This is wat i think la.
And it also shows abt friendship ,hw one helped another when in trouble.
Touching story.
I cried.
And i cried too before i watch e show.
I asked him for e ans when we were waiting for e show to start.
Sadly , as predicted, e ans was...
And i cant help to stop my tears dashing out.
Luckily he was playing his PSP and didnt notice it.
I thought to myself, " xin yi ar is time to let go le, don bu she de le".
As i was thinking , tears were falling, i cant figure out e reason too.

Last time?
I kept looking at him , wanna to look at him more before i really cant anymore.
After show , we buy Mega MacSpicy and eat outside KFC instead of Mac.
Cos Mac closing soon.
I on my laptop and he played maple.
We went for a walk.. and...
Is time to say GoodBye.
He took e first move to hug me and kiss me goodbye.
I was realli sad.
Cos he was going down to town.
I hated e feeling.
Last time?
I thought to myself.

Should be bah.
Ended.
Don wish to stay on wif him anymore.
For e pain n hurt i m enduring is killing me inside.

Back home,
I smsed him , as he asked me to.
I called him too.
He say a few sentence then told me tat his fren reached and hanged up.
Feeling so dull & low,
I called someone to talk to until 3am.
Feeling tired le , i hanged up and off to bed.

Labels: can u see or feel hw i m suffering ?

21th !
Happy 3yr 8months Monthsary !!

Glad tat u were back to camp last night.
1am plus u called me.
Luckily i have not sleep.
I missed u.
And
Thanks god tat u missed me too.
Tat i was in ur mind too while u were out in e jungle.

I asked u for an answer in a soft tone.
With fear in me.
U requested to tell tml ( which is today )
Does it have any special meaning?

Anyway, i m waiting for e time to fly pass as fast as it could.
Waiting to knock off from work
Waiting for u to book out too.
Waiting for our meeting tonight.
Waiting for new memory which we will be creating today.
Too much to wait for.

Actually i disliked meeting u on e Fridays.
U noe wat i hated e most , dont u?
But today is 21th
I wanted to meet despite knowing i will feel hurt and sad later on in e night.
Anyway if e ans is not wat i wan it to be , i will be sad no matter wat.
I juz wanna try to relax and enjoy tonight.

With all e blessing from friends ,
I hope everything goes well.
End or continue well after tonight.

Thanks frens !

Had a bad night on Wed.
Quarrel wif my Dad over pay issues.
Feel so fed up.
Disliked e uncle who told my dad those nonsense.
Asked my dad n mum to get so much $$ from me.
My parents had nv intend to take so much from me.
Though they nv demand me to giv as much as my uncle mentioned
But i cant help feeling angry.
He only noe hw to open his mouth and say.
If u nv ever giv ur parents allowance be it u work or jobless
U don hav e right to say tat and comment on this matter.
Though i might be giving little to my parents but at least i started giving at a young age and can help lesser their burden.
They don have to giv me money and feed me at my age of 19.
Did u ever thought u should be giving more nw when u r wealthy le?
Cos ur parents feed u with food and provide lodging for you over 40years?

Today is pay day again.
I still feel angry despite my parents nv say anything more.
Pissed off.
I put e money inside my mum cardboard.
Didnt noe if she see it mah.
I m not being angry wif u and dad , mum.
But i juz don wish to speak more.
Hope u guys wont be brain-wash by him.

Feeling fed up , how i wish u can be by side.
Or hw i wish u can be here to listen to my complaints.
But where r u?
Jungle?
No one is here to listen to my complaints like u used to.
Without u , i m all alone.
Missing u , i smsed u.
Noe u can only read when u returned but is alright.
I will still send u sms to spam ur phone like i used to months ago when u always go field camp.
These might not last till u ORD.
So let me do it while i still can. lol
Sound like i m dying.

Hmm enough is enough.
Off to bed.

Uploaded some pictures of our boy who went for swimming e first time.

Look ! How tall he is ? He don look like juz a 2year old boy.

Raining day make my day mooody.
I m not sure of wat i m doin too.
Standing infront of e office door , looked up e sky..
Mixture of feelings in me.
Mixture of thoughts in my mind.
Y is my life like this?
Is it in a mess, i m wondering?
Wat i want?
Only you ?

U called me last night on e phone.
Told me u will be going for live firing today
Will be back tml night or even fri morning.
Feel so weird?
Feel so "kong xu" ?
Feel so lonely?

I cant imagine who i m without u
I cant imagine hw i will be like without u

Somehow a part of my heart is going missing, if i were to be alone without u.
Who can fill up e missing or tearing up part in my heart which used to have u right there?
U occupied almost 3/4 of my heart ever since her departure.
Tat time i was feeling a missing part in my life , my heart.
End up u occupied e missing part.
2years had passed.
I m used to it.
Used to have u by my side.
Used to call & sms u.
Used to EVERYTHING.

In office nw..
Had a chat wif kor juz nw cos i was feeling low.

Y?
Why is it tat i m always crying over e same thing?
Why is it tat i m still harbouring hope tat he will choose to be wif me when i noe it is almost impossible tat he will giv me tat ans which i longed to hear.
If he realli wanna be wif me ,
He would have make e decision long ago le.

Why am i crying nw even when i m working?
Why is it giving me stress ?
Why is it so hard for me to bear?

I'm hurted.
Deeply hurted
Deep down in my heart there is a wound
Which only u can heal it.

I wish to stay on and continue be by ur side.
But i cant.
E bit n bit pain i m getting is turning into a snowball.
So i have to force myself,
Go against my wish,
Leave u.

If i m important to u ,
U will choose me.
If u don,
Y do i still have to care so much ?
When u cant even decide on a matter like this.

I really cant bear to end everything.
I really love you.

Should be sleeping nw.
But i juz cant get to sleep.
I m feeling so low nw.
Y am i feeling tears coming out from my tired and puffy eyes?
Wat will become of me in 4days time?
Wat will e outcome be like?
I can live on without him but i cant be feeling happy.
Will i become lifeless , play maple everyday?
Let maple make me feel better?

Dar
U should be doing Guard Duty nw bah?
I m still awake juz like u r.
I feel so sad nw.
Donno y but i juz wish i can hug u tightly nw.
I will miss u,no matter wat.
U noe mah?
Dar.. e most painful type of love is waiting for someone who u already lost.
To me , is u.
I lost u since e day i make e biggest mistake , wrong decision in life.
Happy weekends u given me.
Enjoyed.
But y does it end so fast?
Cant help feeling low nw
Wat can i do?

Get to bed?
I still gt alot to write abt , our weekends, hahas.
But tml bah?
Muack wan an dar.
Wan an all too.

Labels: I'm afraid is not me.

Finally he booked out at 10pm.
Went down to Yishun meet him.
Waited him so long.
Went down earlier to wait for him,don wanna keep him waiting for me.

Back to his house,
We spend time together.
I watched him play maple while he keeps me accompany by talking to me.
How glad is it , this kind of life..
Simple and Sweet.
Played till abt 1am plus.
I ask him wan have supper mah
He say he was hungry lol.
We went to NorthPoint de Mac.
He had BigMac while i had MacNuggets.
Eat dao bao bao , we went back.
I asked him to sleep while i should be going home le
But he still wanna play lols.
Went and play viwawa and stuffs.
Spend time wif him till 5am in e morning , he went to Sentosa
While i go home.

Sorry
For showing u bad attuide outside my house in e morning.
Maybe i didnt slp enough so... bad temper.
^^ Glad tat u were not angry.

See you later.

Talked wif him ytd night.
He told me a sad news.
He gt Guard Duty this weekends.
Sat or Sun.
Still not confirmed yet.
Actually not he tio de but hor..
Cos he is reserved de.
Den e person cant do due to some family problem
So he have to take over.

Donno y i juz feel so unease.
Somehow gt a feeling something is wrong?
But i cant figure out wat is wrong.
Can anyone tell me , lol?

I had everything planned so well.
Y did u last min tio Guard Duty?

Em.. Actually e trust is fading away le?
Somehow i m protecting myself le.
Dare not trust or harbour too much hope.
Scared to fall again.
Scared to tahan another blow.
But i still "ke wang yong you ni".
8 more days left.
I m not really anxious to noe e ans.
I m scared.
Though i tell myself not to harbour hope
But i still haven figure out hw my life will be like without u.
Looking forward to ur book out again.

Juz out from e bathroom.
Feeling hot & unwell.
Going to fall sick?

Today morning went to his hse..
He was so sweet to me.
Hugged me when slping.
I lay on his shoulder.
He will take a look at me everytime he wake up to scratch e bites.
I love e feeling.
Afraid it will disappear too.
Went polyclinic wif him.
Is so near yet he wan cab down
Cos scare gt many ppl as it was Monday.
Reached at 8am
He was e 100th who is seeing e doctor.
Had breakfast over there after we had registered.
He had "Fan Choy" , while i had "Zhu Chang Fen".
Buy a cup of soya milk to share.
He complained abt e temperature of e milk
Cos
At first we told e aunite we wan soya milk.
She asked wan cold de or hot de
He wanted cold de so i say cold lor.
Den e auntie say cold de not so cold leh
We replied , nvm.
End up lols, her "so called not veri cold is totally not cold AT ALL lor.
Is veri warm. zz
Spend e waiting playing PSP.
He play his bro's while i play his's.
Looked at his "wounds"
His mosquito bites were so serious.
He keep scratch , even when he is slping.
See le feel so heartache.
E doctor given him a day's MC
He can book in around 8pm
But he still chose to go back at 1pm.
He say even if he chose 8pm , he also have nothing to do at home
Cos i m working.
Heard le feel so comfortable.
Weird.

It was raining heavily when we are going home.
Alot of people were standing outsde waiting for cab.
We don have an umberalla
I left it inside my bag at his hse.
We walked in e rain to go over to another side whereby is easier to catch a cab.
Waited so long for cab
End up i ask him to wait home sua
Already whole body wet le.
Back to his place
He read newspaper
I pack his things for him
Cos i noe he always last min.
Right, Dar?
Buy lunch home
But didnt get to eat wif him at his place cos he play com till no time lols.
I took bus alone to Tampines then after we parted at his hse there de bridge.
Parted wif a hug and kiss.
I promised to wait him out on thur night.

Now i m feeling so unwell.
Am i sick?
I m waiting for u to come out.
Waiting for weekends again.

Went shopping at Orchard ytd.
Wif Chai Gek.
Buy a few things.
Walked till tired,
Went to Cine de Pasta Miania.
So long nv pamper myself le.
So long nv go out wif Chai Gek too.
Jinde called us.
Wanna meet us.
We met and he say i become fatter le zz.
He asked me if he become thinner..
I said no , but actually he did slim down abit lor.
Headed to AMK to buy birthday cake for their fren's birthday.
While i meet Jia Sheng at AMK.
Parted wif Chai Gek & Jinde,
Jia Sheng accompany me to go buy "Something".
( Ask me if u wan noe wat's tat )
Costed me quite alot..hahas
But i find it ok la.
Anyway i m so happy tat i buy it already.
Looking forward to 6pm.
Meeting him..
And surprise him wif this.
Wonder hw he looked like when he saw.
I longed to see e smile on his face.

But nw i feeling a bit low?
Feeling abit sad and sian.
Y are things happening this way?
I understand everything but i juz hate it.
Don get it.
Don get y muz like this.
Nvm.
I can only console myself , "nvm is okay de, i can do things to kill time in order not to anyhw think and imgine things."
Gtg eat lunch le..
Mummy nagging at me..
Anyway..
Happy Birthday , Aaron !
Happy Birthday , Angeline !

Juz reached home after lan gaming at chambers.
Cabbed home wif didi cos no bus le lols.

Met him 6pm juz nw at mrt station.
He didnt late wor, instead i m late.
Surprised him wif wat i hav got for him.
He look shocked & was wore a smile when he saw it.
It has been sometime i nv surprise him.
I like to surprise him.
Can sense he is happy.
We walked to his place hand in hand.
So sweet , missed e feeling.
Spend time tgt at his place.
He play PSP while i watch him play.
I was hungry but was waiting for him to finish game
Didnt wan to hurry him.
So, i watched till i fall asleep.
He woke me up at 8pm lols.
Went for dinner at KFC.
Buy dinner for his mum after tat.
Went lan at 9pm
So happy.
We had our "er ren shi jie".
No phone calls , No sms.
He off his phone.
For my sake , i guess?

Anyway, juz wanna to let u noe
I m contented wif everything u do for me today.
I m contented to have u.
Like this is enough, i don wish to think abt other things.
Until e day come.
Just realli hope everyday will be like today.
We can still live happily tgt , dont we?
Is a matter of...
I can forget everything.
Cos my love for u is juz too deep.
Waiting for ur call nw , do u noe tat?
Promised to call me after bath.
Y still haven call? Fall asleep? Playing PSP?
Waiting for u to call.

Missing you.

Sunday is coming so soon.

Just love you so much.

I got so many things wanna to voice out..
But i don think is gd bah to say all at here.
Got to think of another way.
I m realli trying to be e best.
I m realli trying to be good to u.
And i know i m being good le.
You know it too bah?
Who will i be without ur love and concern which u used to shower me wif?
I m like a lost sheep nw.
I need you.
Need ur love.

Went home in my uncle's car.
He told me somethings u have to let go.
Not refering to relationship
Something else..
I m letting go or should i say i have let it go long ago le.
Cos i noe i wan u only.
Y hold on to e grief when i m already blessed to have u by my side.
But nw..
Is YOU who i cant let go of.. not her.

Humans are weird.
They need someone to talk to when they feel meaningless to carry on life or when they are so depressed.
Uncle say de was right.
Within 5min , one's feeling can change.
If someone is so angry, let e person alone for 5min. Then try talking to him/her again, u will realised e person has cooled down ,not so angry le.
If someone wan to jump down a building for watever reasons, talk to e person for 5min , everything might change.
Living on is painful
But
If u give up ur life nw
U wont noe wat holds in future.
He said this to me.
Feeling sad and all negative feelings is juz for awhile only.
After sometime , u will be okay de.
Just depend hw long it takes only.
Treat every event in life as an experience , as a lesson and as a growing process.
Everyone will have to go through some events in life tat make u feel negative before u can grow up.
No one grows without getting hurt , falling down and feeling sad.
If u don, u wont grow up. lols.
Cherish life.
I m cherishing , for her's sake.

Thanks " yi zhang".
I learnt alot.
Listen and learn from u everyday , hahas.

Today O.T till 9pm.
Reached home at 9:40pm.
So sian
No much time left for maple and tv.
Today went wif uncle to bank to redraw $29k.
All put into my bag.
Omg it was scary.
Back to office
I was asked to prepare e pay for all workers.
I count n count , so worried tat i will make any mistake.

I got my first pay.
Half a month de.
Wanna go buy something for him.
I said b4 i will get him something when i get my first full-time pay.
Decided wat to get him le.

Hy..
I m realli looking forward to Sun.
Though i have to wait till 6pm before i can get to see u.
I damn hate it man
But wat can i do when u like it?
I can onli say i will wait
Till e day u have to giv me an ans.
Tolerance has a limit.
Mine reaching e limit le.
Sometimes i realli feel so fed up or sad
Cried over small matters.
Anyway..
I m getting u a surprise on Sunday.
U noe wat ?
When i noe i m getting a pay
First thought tat comes to my mind was
I wan get u something.
Anyway i decided wat to get u le..
I bet u sure like it.
Hope u'll be surprised.
Realli wish we can continue together.
Don care abt OTHERS.

Time passed so fast.
Weekends coming again le.
Sunday <3

Weekends passed so fast.
Spend my weekends wif him..
Sat meet him early in e morning.
He was sweet to me this whole week.
I felt we are in love again.
Just like we used to.
Kissed me when i woke up or when he woke up,
Hug me tight when i m angry,
Touch my hair when i sit beside him while he lying down,
And pinch my face when i talk back to him.
All these are wat he used to do on me hahas.
And now these are all back.
Has his love for me return too?
Has he realised his love for me?

"Dar"
I love it so much.
Don spoil this happiness u give to me , can u?
I donno u r my dar mah or juz a ex bf?
Confused.
I bet u r too.
Anyway,
Thanks for making my weekends a meaningful one.
Thanks for everything.
I love e way u make me smile.
No one is been able to do tat in awhile.
Onli u can make me smile brightly.
Muacks Dar.

Went to work again..
Nothing much to do.
Had been listening to songs from 8am -2pm.
Hahas weekends tml.
Wonder hw i can sleep well tonight..
Will i stay awake till he call me?
Don like e feeling of him leaving me alone and going wif others.
But wat can i do ?

Today is someone's birthday.
Send him a happy birthday msg thur at 12+am.
Surprise to see his reply.
Sometimes realli wonder y he wan to lie so much. Lols.
Anyway,
Happy Birthday Oliver.

{♥} Happily Forever With Him
{♥} Go Chalet !
{♥} Lose Weight (10kg) =p !
{♥} A New Handphone.
{♥} A Long Break From Work
{♥} 0oxiino0 to be lvl 200 in maple.
{♥} To Go Genting Wif Dar.
{♥} Change a new job.
{♥} Celebrate my 21st birthday
{♥} Mum's Approval Of My R/S