1 month had passed.
Is 21st again.

Spend time wif u was wat i wanted only.
Wif u around , everything is fine.
We got our ice chair finally on sat's night.

U told me..
U might be going out wif frens on Christmas Eve..
And asked me if it is alright.
I don wish to say is fine but i said so.
I don wan to force u or make things like this.
U have e freedom u longed for.
U told me it is not confirmed yet.
But i noe u r surely going..
Even though i wish u wont go after wat u said.
U told me too..
Not to go out if possible & don go till too late.
U asked me to take care of my health.
Well..
If only u can stay wif me , if only u are willing to spend e day wif me..
I wont go anywhere, u noe it.
But on this Christmas Eve..
U wanna to spend it wif someone else..
And sadly e person is not me..

Wat can i do nw?
Wat should i do nw?

I cried.
I pray to god.
Hope things will be like wat i wished for.
God.. Please grant my wish.

I noe i m selfish.
Love is selfish.
I don wish to lose u.
I don wish tat u will be going.
But should i ask u stay wif me when u already long ago choose to go..
I donno.
I realli donno.
Donno wat i should do..
Let go ? Be selfish ?

Can anyone teach me?

Happy monthsary dar..
3years 9months.

Woke up morning 6am..
Tummy ache till 8plus.
Went to doctor..
Finish everything by 12noon.
I was alone..
Took bus back to aunt hse for some work to be done.

After tat , i headed to Sun Plaza..
Meet my mum , sis and of cos Ah Boy who i missed so much.
We wanna bring him to pasta mania but he insists KFC.
Feel so happy to see him again.
After our lunch..
We bring him to arcade for a car ride and basketball game.
And soon it is time for him to go home le..
He was feeling sleepy..
As he lean his head on my shoulder.
Back his hse..
We wan to make a move le but he cried..
This is wat he will do always when we are abt to part and say goodbye.
Feel so unbearable..
Feel so heartache to see him crying.
And..
Well , my sister cried too after we come out from e lift.
We realli love him so much..

Today is Ah Gong's birthday.
Went down to his place after work.
Sang him a birthday song & give him a red packet.
Hope he is happy.
Happy Birthday.

Took bus home.
On my way back..
Chatted wif him on e phone.
He juz back from his field camp.

Dar..
Y do u wan to tell me all those things?
I don wish to hear it all.
Don wish to accept all facts.
If we can solved this prob tgt, don we should try giv each other a chance?
Is it so hard for u to giv me one more chance..
To love and stay on wif me.
I need u, u noe de.
Chances are to be created by urself.
Ya this is true but didnt i do alot to prove to u?
Did u see it all?

Took a day off today.
Accompay hui to go Sentosa to meet up wif Edwin & Wahdi.
We had a hard time getting there.

Went dolphin show wif them.
It was a pretty nice performance by those dolphins.
After tat.. xinyi and me headed to Underwater World.
Edwin don seemed to feel tired, while Wahdi's legs is giving him some prob..
They went on wif a few more entertainments without us.
We didnt wan to go.
Well.. Both of them didnt noe who i was until they asked me.
Which is so funny.

At 5plus..
We parted off at near tiger's tower , i guess..
Wif a picture taking.
I hate to take pictures.
But i followed their way since they came all e way to Singapore. Lol.

Xinyi and I had our dinner simple and easy at Kopitiam at Vivocity.
It was my first time to Vivocity.
Sound so funny right?
I had realli haven been to Vivocity.

Reached home at around 8+pm.
Maple cant patch..
Went to bed early.

Had been boring since last night.
He went for field camp at 7pm in e night.
Today in office..
Nothing much to do..
Boss went for coffee and business talks.
I was left alone in e office most of e time.

Missing u was wat i do when i gt my free time.
I miss u.
Though it has been onli a day.
Someone told me in msn tat..
I didnt left u is cos i don wan to lose.
Nope.
It is not tat.
I noe it well myself.
If i will miss u , wat does it mean..
You r e first guy who make me feel i gt future wif.
You r also e first guy who i wanna spend my life wif.
You r also e last guy i wish to spend my love on.
You r my EVERYTHING.

It is silly.
But it comes deep down my heart.
Hoping u will return asap.
Tml..
You told me u will be back tml.
I m waiting haha.
Got lots to tell u.
Lots to ask u too.

Did u miss me , my dar?
When u were out in e forest or jungle..
When u have nothing to do..
When u were looking at e sky..
Am i in ur mind..
Am i in ur heart?

Can u allow me to go into ur heart ?
Or am i already inside u?

Can u love me ?
Love me one more time if u dont.
Love me more if u already loving.

Suddenly feel so ...
I donno hw to say..
Shall stop here.

Night..
My dar !

Fri
Rotted at my aunt hse e whole day till abt 8pm
Went over his place.
Played maple wif him.
Lay down beside him , watch him play and i feel happiness.
Silly?
Spend e night over his place.
I intend to go home but later on
I don bear and i stayed over.
Had a sleep.

Next morning
I went for my appointment wif e doctor.
Wake up at 7:45am
Was feeling tired but had no choice.
After doctor, i went back to find him.
Buy lunch for him too.
Went NTUC shopping for him.
Helped him buy 5 cup noodles for him to eat in camp.
In additional, i buy 2 bar of chocolate for him.
Milky Bar & Cookies & Cream.
Hope he enjoys it.

In e evening..
His parents all went out.
I buy back KFC buddy meal.
We haven finish eating but already feel so full.
On maple and spam genes for leechers again.
Simple & plain life.
But i feel it is enough.
I hope it lasts.
I hope he don find it boring too.

Stayed over his place again.
I didnt wan to go home again.
In my mind..
Only him.
I didnt wan to think abt other things.
I stayed.

Sunday time seemed to pass pretty fast.
And it is abt time he has to book in again.
Buy Long John Sliver.
Tat is our dinner for e night.

Dar..
I realli enjoyed e 3days wif u.
Muacks.

Thur..

After work, i didnt head home.

Instead , i headed to hui's hse.

I didnt wan to go to Genting.

Not many people to play wif.



He called me at 11+ pm.

Chatted over e phone.

Said abt all e happy as well as e unhappy past tat we spend tgt.

His words make my tears fall again.

I cried cos i regretted.

Y didnt i agree to his small request in e past?

Cos of wat i did in e past, we r like this nw.

Feel so remoseful.

XinLin & XinYi tried and ask wat happened to me.

I didnt speak a word.

I don feel like saying.

I m sry.



Stayed at her place till 2am.

Didnt noe where to go.

She asked me to stay over at her place but i didnt.

I went to my aunt hse.

Had some arguement wif my mum over e phone.

And

Went to bed after tat.

Recently alot of things happened.
Sat..
Another sad thing in life happened.
All of a sudden.

My mummy is OUT OF JOB !
She is not longer going to take care of Ah Boy le.
Hurts me when i heard this piece of shocking news.
I had nv expected this to happen.

I went over Sembwang to meet my dad , mum and of cos my Ah Boy.
He saw me from far.
I feel like crying when i saw him , seriously.

Went to his house , send him back home.
I feel 100% of "bu she de".
Heartache inside me.
I tried my best not to feel sad.
Afterall , we still can come visit him as and when we miss him.
He don wan to go home , tat is e funniest part which also upsets me.
My mum then asked my dad and me to secretly run off first.
I..called Ah Boy b4 i go off.
He ran over to kiss me on my cheeks when i asked him to.
I then hugged him.
Well..
He hugged me too.
And called me jiejie in e sweetest voice.
Tears almost fall at tat moment.
I controlled.
He kissed me good bye and i walked off.
First person tat come to my mind .. was Dar.
I smsed him..
And i managed to control my tears from falling on tat night.

Weird.
Boy was e first child who make me feel so sad and bu she de over e years.
My mum had babysit before several children
None except him make me feel so...pain.
I missed u.
JieJie realli do.
Promise u i will get u e Thomas Bag.
For u to carry it to childcare centre.
And rest assured u will always be in my mind.

Just back home.
Feeling Emo...

Cried..
Wat is happening in my life?
Y are all e unpleasant things happening?
Experiences?
Ups and Downs?
Part of life?

I don like it.
I m not being demanding.
Am i asking for more?

It pains me when things are in this way.
I m not going to control my tears anymore.
Not going to stop it from falling.
I wan to cry out loud.

I m really happy when i m happy.
But
Same..
I m sad when i m realli sad.

Today..
When i was in e toilet at...
(somewhere in e public places)
I thought to myself..
Y am i like this?
Y did i changed so much?
Y am i such a weakling?
I u sed to be strong , dont i ?

And
I realli donno y i m not longer strong le..

I m waiting for ur return call..

Dar booked out le.
This afternoon.
Called me when i was working.

So surprised.
Thought he had to stay overnight for e Road March which he missed e other day.
Anyway, cant wait to meet him.
Though only nv see him for days.

Wait for me , haha.
This was wat i said to him earlier on when he called me.
Looking forward to knock off from work.
Want to have my dinner wif him later in e night.
Wanna to rest on him.
So tired.
Worked from 8am till nw.
Ytd worked till 9pm+ den reached home and had a late night due to chit chatting in maple.

I hope things will worked out fine for us.
Muacks.

Days passed so fast.
Ah Boy..
E last time i saw him was last Sun.
When we were busy moving house.
I bet he is blur bah.
He sure wonder y we are shifting all our furnitures and things out of e house and people were helping us to carry it into e lift.

I Miss Him..
He is like one of our family members le.
Had been living with us for 2years
Ever since he was born.

Watching him growing..
Sharing all laughters wif him.
He nv failed to make us laugh.
Dad & Mum dotes on him e most.
While me , i will onli buy food for him and bring him out for a walk or to play.

Our new house without him,
Lack of laughters and noise.
Recalling back..
A month ago ,
I used to wake up early cos of e noise he made every morning.
And
I will always wake up , go out of my room
And say to him: " Boy ar.. SHH.. don so noisy. Jie Jie wan to sleep. Guai ar"
Now..
I cant get to say this to him for a month.
Seemed like something is amiss.
And i just cant help missing him.

Had been wanting to go over his house.
See him , hug him and get a kiss from him.
Omg..
Y am i so emotional?
Feel so sad and wanting to cry as i blog abt him.
Maybe i treat him as a "didi" or "son" ?
Missed e days i helped him change his diaper, feed him dinner, bathe him , watch him playing with water while i bathe him, make him slp when mum was not around.

How i wish he can move in with us too?
I was afraid of those farewell thing.
I m afraid tat his parents will really put him into a childcare centre and fetch him home in e night.
If is so ,
I will get to see him lesser.

Ah Boy..
Did u miss us too?

Find a day jiejie go visit u.
Look forward a day off when i can go over and play wif u.
Take care
Don throw temper like u always do.

I juz realised it has been weeks i nv update my blog le.
Hmm.. lots to update but didnt have e time to.

He booked out on Sat.
He had his eyes injured.
Get poked by a tree bunch.
Feel so heartache.
He went to doctor Sun morning.
I wasn't able to accompany him.
Moving house.
From Sembawang back to Yishun.
Was not feeling well
But i still helped to move things.

Monday..
Went to doctor.
Doctor gave me 2days of MC for me to rest.
Cos he say i m pale.
Over work or cos of other reasons?
I didnt ask.
He gave me pills for my headache and giddness.
I took and feel sleepy lol.
He was also MC for his eyes were injured.

I missed e weekends i had wif him last week.
No one disturb us.
I hope it is gone forever and don return.
I hope so.
Life is simple and sweet for us.
I enjoyed his company.
Enjoyed helping him to pack his stuffs.
Enjoyed sitting beside him to watch him play his games.
Listen to him.

Busy wif work.
He will be out only on Sat.
Missing him?

Last night,
I cried.
Donno y.
But tears juz fallen down my cheeks.
I was thinking too much.
But
I realli dislike it to be tat way.
I thought it is gone forever.
Y return ?
Y wanna broke up my happiness?
I m afraid of losing again.
Cant tolerate e sadness and pain.

I hope u will stay on my side.
Take care of me.
Love me.
Dote me.
Not asking much , am i?

{♥} Happily Forever With Him
{♥} Go Chalet !
{♥} Lose Weight (10kg) =p !
{♥} A New Handphone.
{♥} A Long Break From Work
{♥} 0oxiino0 to be lvl 200 in maple.
{♥} To Go Genting Wif Dar.
{♥} Change a new job.
{♥} Celebrate my 21st birthday
{♥} Mum's Approval Of My R/S