This post i have been wanting to finish it and have it blogged but i have no time for it =x
It has been sometimes i nv blog , realli lazy to log in though i have alot to pen down.
My 21st birthday , a simple but happy bday for me.
I woke up early morning to meet my dearest fren Chai Gek for lunch.
We had pasta mania , and well i was realli surprised and touched by her!
She had things planned out , requested us to separate our orders and bills , asked me to go back to e seats first instead of waiting for her.
Well , i did wat she said.
After finishing our lunch , i told her i have gtg.
She asked me to wait awhile and she took out present from her bag.
Tt is normal , nt surprising but later on she asked me to wait a little while more and she put her hand inside her bag as though she is fnding something.
Den i wondered , she is giving me another present ? O.o
All of a sudden , i heard a soft voice coming from my back , singing happy bday song.
I turned around and i realised she get me a small birthday cake.
At e moment , i was stunned , surprised and touched too.
I smile brightly , i muz say tt is e best smile i ever had after my grandfather's death.
Thanks , my dear fren , i m really contented. =)
Den..
I went to work as usual , knock off on time and went for movie wif Dar.
Dar watched Alice In Wonderland 3D wif me , we planned to have dinner at Fish & Co after tt but due to mum's plan of celebrating for me , we went home after e movie.
But b4 we head home , after e movie i asked Dar where is my present , i knew he didnt get anything for me and e reason will be becos he donno wat i want.
Dar ar.. he's forever like this de, he perfer to ask me wat i like and buy it on e spot for me rather den buying something and end up i don like it.
So we went shopping and i had my eyes on a bracklet and a ring and Dar bought them for me =)
Back home , we had a simple dinner and took a family pic and another pic wif Dar.
After e celebration , we set up mahjong table lol and spent our night playing mahjong.
And on this special day , my frens in maple remembered it was my birthday too.
A few of them , one by one , mega-ing and pm-ing wishing me happy birthday.
They are really all my darlings =)
Thanks Chai Gek , Dar , My Family and Maple Friends for everything.
You guys make my birthday a happy one. =)
But still deep inside me , i was thinking of u , missing u so badly , hoping for u to be here to celebrate my bday wif me , were u there when i was cutting e cake ?
Our Family Picture Years ago , we went to Genting as a family. This picture was taken there. I was still in Primary School. I took this out from photo album years ago , cut it to e size tt can fit in my purse. Now, whenever i miss u , i will look at it.
You also keep e pic of all ur grandchildren and u in a frame , hanged it on e wall inside ur room. I wondered do u always look at it in e past whenever u miss us ?
The last time i ever talk to you , seeing u smile was on e day tai ma chu bing, saturday. I remebered sitting wif u in e same table. I m glad i get to eat wif u tt day. I didnt noe it will be e last time i can have my dinner wif u. Who will have thought of tt ?
I used to think u can live till at least 80yr old, used to think tt u will get to attend my wedding , drink tea and even get to see ur great grand children , carry them and watch them grow. Never did i expect u to leave us so early.
Your days in the ICU, i watched u improving a little everyday. You pulled through e 50% rate operation on friday night.
Saturday ~ We saw u being able to breathe on ur own , move ur head and open up ur mouth.Sunday ~ We saw u able to swallow ur saliva. Monday ~ We heard from nurse tt u opened up ur eyes though closes it immediately. Tuesday ~ Heart able to function already though ur mind don wan it to pump blood. How come u suddenly give up and leave us?
You left us all of a sudden, leaving us with memories only. We didnt get to see u e last time , talk to u e last time and hug u touch u for e veri last time.
To me , this whole episode is juz like a dream. But i wake up facing reality , e fact tt u are gone and will never be back. Everyday i feel like u are juz away from us for a trip , donno when u will be back but we are waiting. But at times , when i m fully awake , i face e fact tt u wont be back anymore. It is so unbearable.
Counting down 2days , and it is my 21st birthday. Months ago , i was still planning of getting a chalet no matter wat. I wanna to invite u and grandma , our big family over and relax , get away from e city and enjoy. But cos of tai ma's death , mum ask me to go on low profile. I still thought tt even there is no chalet , i still gt my bf , family , u and ah ma celebrating wif me. I noe u will celebrate wif me , like u did for almost every year. Never did i expect u nt being able to celebrate wif me this yr. Is my 21st birthday leh , hw can u miss it !! I wanna nth but YOU, if i can chose.
Talking abt birthday, i still thinking of getting a birthday cake this year, a very big and nice one for ur 70th birthday , cos mum told me chinese don celebrate 69th , will make it to 70th. I give u an ang bao only for last yr's birthday , but i buy ah ma a durian cake on her bday. So i thought of getting a big shou cake for u this year. Once again , never did i expect u nt being able to celebrate ur bday wif us this yr, nt able to see wat i have planned for u.
Why must u go and where are u now ? I have been telling myself u are nt coming back anymore but y cant i face e facts ! U are still alive in my heart , but i cant get to see u again , cant get to hold u again. All u left for us are memories only.
On e 7th night , did u come back to see us? I was told by didi and meimei tt in e middle of e night there is an insect , suddenly flying out from e back of e television , flying around in e room and stopped beside xj's laptop. Following that , flying towards e bed i m slping on and stopped there for sometime. Was it u , ah gong ? Was it u ? tt come back to see us ? I m sry if is u , cos i was realli slping soundly tt night.
Ah ma told me u nv go back and see u , did u realli nv go back ? Or it's juz tt u went back but u nv touch e bowl of rice ah ma left on e table? Did u also turn into an insect and fly in to see them like hw u came back to see us? I have many unanswered questions , can u ans me ?
Everything ended. U left us , we let go of u too. Though we cant bear each other , but we are apart. And wat can we live on wif are memories. Like i promised u in e hospital , i will take care of ah ma , but also at e same time i hope u will promise me too , tt u will go back and visit ah ma often , best is let her dream of u , tell her to live on happily.
I miss u , i really do.
Can u come to my dream tonight ?
Time : 12:13pm
Venue : SGH (Singapore General Hospital)
I m right nw in e hospital, with veri complicated feelings in me.
I feel veri bad inside , but i donno hw to feel better.
Therefore , i chose to pen down my feelings here.
I have realli nt been slping well for past nights.
I m really missing him so much.
The days we had , the moments we spend together.
Whenever i closed my eyes , i think of u, e image of u smiling happily.
I used to tell u hw fat i was and u will always say "fei cai you fu qi".
I m nw still fat fat , i listen to u , i nv realli diet.
So nw can u also listen to me , don ever leave us.
We still have alot of things which we havent do tgt.
We still need alot of time to accomplish wat we wan to.
It has been long since we gather tgt at ur hse and have dinner.
Do u noe i m waiting , all of us are waiting for ur recovery and have a dinner tgt at ur place?
Ur house used to be filled with noise but nw it is so quiet.
U have nt been taking any food for days , don u wish to eat some home cooked food ?
Ah Gong , Wake up !
You have been slping for too long.
You were fine last sat when i had dinner wif u after tai ma's funeral.
You still ask xin lei to get "niao dan" for ah ma to eat.
You were drinking e cup of ice water i have got for u.
You were even asking me to eat more.
But why are u lying in e hospital now for days ?
Are u tired? Ah gong.
Do u noe we are all so sad and worried for u since friday?
Do u noe hw pain it is for us to see u lying inside ICU ?
Do u noe that all of us here are waiting for u to open up ur eyes ?
We are , waiting.
We love u so much tt we don wan u to leave us.
We don allow u to. u have no choice.
We don allow to slp anymore !!!
Ah Gong
Can u hear me everytime when i speak to u from my heart?
I have been asking u to wake up.
U have miss out alot these few days.
Ur favourite shows, ur 4D days and alot more.
Can u hear ah ma is crying everyday ?
