Monday, October 6, 2008 ; 2:36 PM {♥}
Super happy.
I noe i m being silly but i m juz so happy.
Onli he can change my mood.
Enjoyed e whole night wif him in town.
I didnt make wrong choice.
No matter wat happen next min , i also wont regret.
Tat is how i feel.
Meet him 11 at town.
Went and buy movie tickets.
Sadly e show we both wanted to watch has already sold out
Then we decided to watch "The House Bunny".
Went to Mac for dinner before e show. Should be supper le bah.
He had Big Mac while i had MacSpicy.
Still e same , he still like to eat Big Mac, still e same way of eating.
Enjoyed e movie.
But hy fallen asleep halfway through e show.
I wanted to wake him up but looking at him sleeping so sweetly , i don bear to, rather he miss e show.
This is how much i love n care for him. I realised.
I then become a bit unable to concentrate, keep turning and look at him.
After e show , we headed somewhere else.
Had a wonderful night wif him alone.
Created another new experience in life.
Something which we had nv done before.
Spending e night outside at town.
I cruddle in his arms , dozed off.
Took train back e next morning , i didnt head home, went to his place instead.
Thought of staying at his placew awhile before i go home but i fall asleep in his arms,on his bed, wif him.
We had a gd sleep all e way from 8am till 2pm
He had not been slping since Fri when he booked out, i don bear to see him so xingku. While me, i had not been slping well , sleep at 5am , 6am and wake up wif a few hours of slp onli for almost 2weeks.
Finally , i can sleep well.
He woke up before me.
Woke me up also, tat is wat he will do, i noe.
He say he has gt a big tummy le , so i helped him wif sit-ups.
So sweet being wif him. Even if juz looking at him doin sit-ups , it is enough, i realised.
Went to lan shop , YL and William were there too.
YL was playing audition while William like nothing to do.
Buy lunch into lan shop and eat.
Played until 6+ , i walked wif him till his place.
He told me alot of things.
He say he mind when i wear revealing clothes.
Tat's him. My him.
He always mind it , but y do he still mind it now when we r not tgt anymore.
But..
Puzzling part was, we r tgt despite we r supposed not tgt.
Rendall told me tat we r still tgt , not consider break cos i didnt leave u for a moment at all after e break-up.
U have not lost me.
Things are somehw still e same, but of cos wif some changes.
Ya i m always here for u still.
We still look and do like wat couples do.
So are we still tgt or not?
It is complicated.
Walking back
We chatted.
He told me hw he realli feels when come to certain issues.
I was glad to hear all from him.
I feel he still love me.
But..
Suddenly i have a feeling of wanting to let go?
Was thinking this is e last time i will treat him as a dar.
Last night is a wonderful night which is enough for me to leave u.
I donno if i can or not , but i hav e feeling i wanna to.. let go
So i tell him , if anything happen , find me , even if i m no longer around by his side.
Reached his house downstairs.
I wanted to head home but he ask me go up.
Heng i went up.
We spend sometime in his room wif his didi.
Lie on his leg , i feel so comfortable, long time nv le.
We hugged.
It juz feel so gd, making me feel sleepy , i donno y.
Kissed me before he went off to meet his frens.
Parting again but this time round i wasnt so sad.
Maybe cos i realli enjoyed myself.
But i noe.. I feel sad when i think of next week unable to meet him.
He will be out on Fri but needed to book in on Sat.
Cos Sun gt Guards Duty.
He will be staying out on Fri night and going out wif frens on Sat.
So i noe , he wont have time for me.
Feel so sad but is ok as long he is happy, i m fine wif it.
This will be e best time for me to leave him alone.
Is e time i hav to leave him alone , don disturb him.
Not waiting this week , wait also wont get to see u.
Saw him alone standing along e road waiting for frens, i smsed him..
But y sms halfway u nv reply le?
I was waiting u noe?
~ A message to u ~
Thanks for everything.
Thanks for sat night.
I had not been so happy for a long time.
Sat night realli no one disturb us at all.
No sms, No phone calls.
E few hours had make my sadness and disappointment gone.
I love e way u put ur hand on my waist when we walked.
I noe i m not gd enough for u.
Wait me.
I will change to be better.
Time will prove ok?
For now
I don hope for more.
But..
I wan to leave u now.
But i will be there for u when u need me.
I must move on.
For i donno if u will be back.
I don need u to be wif me anymore.
Loving u is to see u happy, i don wan u to be so lack of sleep every week when u book out even if u don mind.
I don wan u to be tired.
I wont contact u.
But if u contact me , i will be there for u.
This is e best way for now , for me not too be hurt too much.
U can bring me happiness but sadness too.
I wan happiness only.
I will feel happiness when u sms me.
I wont sms u cos if i do and u don reply, i will feel sadness.
If i don contact u and u don feel a thing , it will also be a better thing for both.
Cos i will noe hw u feel for me while u wont have to waste time being wif me.
Is a way for us to noe each other's feelings.
For u and me to know ur feelings.
U noe?
I was happy to hear abt u mind tat i wear revealing clothes.
I was happy when u feed me soup though i was sad but it helps abit.
I was happy u watched movie wif me despite u r so tired.
I was happy when u say i have slim down , everyone say i did slim down abit except u, but sat when u say u realised i slim down , i feel everything i do is worth, slim down for u is worthy and i feel e encouragment to keep me going on.
I was happy tat veri night when we spend so much time together at town which we nv used to.
Dar..
I noe u r uncertain abt ur feelings right now.
U r unaware of hw u feel towards me.
Maybe cos i m still here , not leaving yet.
But i had been waiting
Realli hope u will noe hw u feel before i put down everything,
Before it is too late for us to turn back.
Good night, my dar.
5th Oct is e happiest day i ever had after our break-up.
I'm yours & U're mine
