Our Family Picture

Years ago , we went to Genting as a family. This picture was taken there. I was still in Primary School. I took this out from photo album years ago , cut it to e size tt can fit in my purse. Now, whenever i miss u , i will look at it.

You also keep e pic of all ur grandchildren and u in a frame , hanged it on e wall inside ur room. I wondered do u always look at it in e past whenever u miss us ?

The last time i ever talk to you , seeing u smile was on e day tai ma chu bing, saturday. I remebered sitting wif u in e same table. I m glad i get to eat wif u tt day. I didnt noe it will be e last time i can have my dinner wif u. Who will have thought of tt ?

I used to think u can live till at least 80yr old, used to think tt u will get to attend my wedding , drink tea and even get to see ur great grand children , carry them and watch them grow. Never did i expect u to leave us so early.

Your days in the ICU, i watched u improving a little everyday. You pulled through e 50% rate operation on friday night.

Saturday ~ We saw u being able to breathe on ur own , move ur head and open up ur mouth.Sunday ~ We saw u able to swallow ur saliva. Monday ~ We heard from nurse tt u opened up ur eyes though closes it immediately. Tuesday ~ Heart able to function already though ur mind don wan it to pump blood. How come u suddenly give up and leave us?

You left us all of a sudden, leaving us with memories only. We didnt get to see u e last time , talk to u e last time and hug u touch u for e veri last time.

To me , this whole episode is juz like a dream. But i wake up facing reality , e fact tt u are gone and will never be back. Everyday i feel like u are juz away from us for a trip , donno when u will be back but we are waiting. But at times , when i m fully awake , i face e fact tt u wont be back anymore. It is so unbearable.

Counting down 2days , and it is my 21st birthday. Months ago , i was still planning of getting a chalet no matter wat. I wanna to invite u and grandma , our big family over and relax , get away from e city and enjoy. But cos of tai ma's death , mum ask me to go on low profile. I still thought tt even there is no chalet , i still gt my bf , family , u and ah ma celebrating wif me. I noe u will celebrate wif me , like u did for almost every year. Never did i expect u nt being able to celebrate wif me this yr. Is my 21st birthday leh , hw can u miss it !! I wanna nth but YOU, if i can chose.

Talking abt birthday, i still thinking of getting a birthday cake this year, a very big and nice one for ur 70th birthday , cos mum told me chinese don celebrate 69th , will make it to 70th. I give u an ang bao only for last yr's birthday , but i buy ah ma a durian cake on her bday. So i thought of getting a big shou cake for u this year. Once again , never did i expect u nt being able to celebrate ur bday wif us this yr, nt able to see wat i have planned for u.

Why must u go and where are u now ? I have been telling myself u are nt coming back anymore but y cant i face e facts ! U are still alive in my heart , but i cant get to see u again , cant get to hold u again. All u left for us are memories only.

On e 7th night , did u come back to see us? I was told by didi and meimei tt in e middle of e night there is an insect , suddenly flying out from e back of e television , flying around in e room and stopped beside xj's laptop. Following that , flying towards e bed i m slping on and stopped there for sometime. Was it u , ah gong ? Was it u ? tt come back to see us ? I m sry if is u , cos i was realli slping soundly tt night.

Ah ma told me u nv go back and see u , did u realli nv go back ? Or it's juz tt u went back but u nv touch e bowl of rice ah ma left on e table? Did u also turn into an insect and fly in to see them like hw u came back to see us? I have many unanswered questions , can u ans me ?

Everything ended. U left us , we let go of u too. Though we cant bear each other , but we are apart. And wat can we live on wif are memories. Like i promised u in e hospital , i will take care of ah ma , but also at e same time i hope u will promise me too , tt u will go back and visit ah ma often , best is let her dream of u , tell her to live on happily.

I miss u , i really do.

Can u come to my dream tonight ?